I went for a ‘run’ today.

I’ve not had the best week to put it mildly. I’ve been disconnected, depressed, heavy, disappointed, tired, annoyed and ragey. It’s been incredibly unpleasant; like I’m wading through syrup. I’m told it’s planetary; that things are happening up there which might make things difficult for me for a bit. It’s never only one thing though and I’ve made some decisions recently which might explain a surge of stuff to the surface. But whatever it is, it’s there. And I’m letting it run its course.

Someone suggested I go for a run. If they were anywhere near me I might have punched them. Go for a run dear, that’ll exorcise all the darkness. It reminded me of a conversation with a friend who has ME. A friend had told her to ‘get out there, get some exercise, you’ll feel better’. She was frustrated, hurt and angry. She’d probably have punched him. If only she had done enough exercise and had the energy.

I wasn’t lying about being ragey.

But I didn’t feel like doing anything. I don’t feel like reading. Or going to yoga. Or meditating. Or watching TV. Or talking to anyone. Or doing any of the various other things on my little list of to dos.  Which is odd for me. But it’s about time I took your challenge a bit more seriously so, in the freezing wet grey rain I ‘ran’.

It was very stop start. A little running. A little walking. A little more running. I climbed a tree. And sat in it, getting wet, watching the happy dogs and real runners. Then, a bit more running. To a spot in the park where I’ve stood holding hands with someone before, facing the sun with my eyes closed watching the patterns and colours dance about on my eyelids, feeling joyous and childlike. And I let the cold grey rain tickle them instead.

And then I ran (and walked) home. Not the stuff of someone about to run a 5k run by any stretch of the imagination. But it’s a start.

https://lovesweatandtears.me/2015/01/10/challenge-4-amy-and-the-5k-run/